A life without someone to protect is no life
by jinx XD
Summary: I was taught to not show emotion, to not form bonds because it showed weakness but someone once told me that a life without someone to protect is no life at all. Kakashi x OC
1. Chapter 1

"_Being a ninja meant watching the people you love pass by you. Watching them die in front of your eyes, risking your life day in and day out for people you don't even know."_

_The rule was to not get attached, to not form bonds, to not show emotions because this created weakness. That was what I had been taught from a young age and because of this exact reason I was neglected, I was the disappointment. I tried hard, I topped the tests, I did everything that was asked but I was always seen as weak. No matter how hard I practised, no matter how long I trained, no matter how accurate my skills were it meant nothing._

_Why? _

_Because I showed emotions, I formed bonds. I could never be the perfect daughter, never be the perfect ninja._

_One day I just couldn't take it anymore, the disappointment in their eyes. So I ran, I ran and ran and ran until there was nowhere else to go because I had ended up on the edge of the Hokage Mountain. It overlooked the whole of Konoha, I had sat there for quite some time admiring the view. All the lights were blazing and you could hear the chatter of the people in town eventually I fell asleep. _

_I woke up to the sound of a piercing howl, ninjas were scattered everywhere and people were running around, it was chaos. I had to get home and quick, I ran through the village trying to get home when suddenly a ninja swooped me up._

"_NO! Let GO!" I struggled to escape I had to get home,_

_The ninja through me over his shoulder and hurried through the village, I continuously struggled I had to get home! _

"_I am a ninja put me down." I said with as much authority as possible, the ninja gave me a sceptical backward glance but did not stop at all. _

_Suddenly another howl ricocheted through the village, I looked towards where the sound came from and my body froze. Bright red eyes that's all I could see, I felt like I was being swallowed, just looking at the eyes filled my body with fear._

_That day my parents died, leaving me alone to fend for myself. I promised myself that I would try my best and make them proud, no emotions, no bonds._

_I was put in a squad, I became a chuunin and there was never a mission that we failed. They were the only people in my life but I was happy because I had someone important, someone to care about._

_But then one mission everything went wrong,_

_I no longer had anyone to care about, my sensei and my team mates died protecting me. I fell into a whirlpool of depression, the me before disappeared and the me that my parents wanted started to form. I finally understood why my parents had told me to not get attached, they said it because we were ninja and people would always come and go from our lives, we would always have moments where we have to choose and the more you got attached the harder it was to let go._

_Soon I did not recognise myself, when I looked in the mirror the person staring back was dull and lifeless and the colour kept draining as the days went by. But I just couldn't fully convert, it kept nagging at the back of my mind that the important people had given up their life for something they cared about, they had an attachment. My parents fought for Konoha and gave up their life and my team mates gave up their lives for me. _

_Nothing reminded me more of those moments then my scars_

_Scars.._

_Memories of the past, memories of those moments when you show weakness. Every day I would sit in front of the mirror and stare at them and just wish that I could go back in time change those stupid mistakes I made, to listen to my parents. Then maybe, just maybe my team mates would still be alive._

**A/N: the character's "back story" was gonna be longer but **_**let's**_** just say someone said it was getting boring =.= so I cut it (please tell me it wasn't boring .)**

**Reader: it was boring -.-**

**Me: NO! *dies***

**JINX XD**


	2. Chapter 2

_CHAPTER 2_

**Recap**

_**Scars..  
>Memories of the past, memories of those moments when you show weakness. Every day I would sit in front of the mirror and stare at them and just wish that I could go back in time change those stupid mistakes I made, to listen to my parents. Then maybe, just maybe my team mates would still be alive.<strong>_

It's been around 6 years since my team mates died, I am 19 now and a full fledged jounin. At first, after the incident with my team I just couldn't think of having another team or killing people. I just couldn't stand having to judge between who should live and who should die. I know it sounds absolutely stupid considering I am a ninja. It's not that I won't hurt them I just can't kill them and sometimes, being alive can be more painful than being dead.

Even then I've accommodated nicely, although I am a jounin I do not do many missions I mostly just run errands or do jobs for the hokage that way there will be a less chance of me having to kill someone. But today is my day off, today is the anniversary of the death of my team mates. Every year I visit the KIA stone to pay my respects and this year isn't any different except for the fact that I was late. I quickly put on my jounin vest and packed my weapons pouch, now all that was left was the flowers. I headed out the door making sure to lock it.

I didn't exactly live in a reputable area it was just small and cheap. After all, my parents didn't exactly leave much when they died and you don't really get payed a lot as a ninja unless you do missions so…

I walked down the street at a fast pace towards the flower shop. I looked around admiring the view, the village was bustling with people, it made one feel alive and energetic.

'Who would think that 12 years ago this village was nearly destroyed.' I thought as I looked up at the hokage faces. Suddenly I froze my eyes widening, 'what the hell…?'

"pfft ahahahhaa" I couldn't believe it, the hokage faces were all covered in paint. It was a brilliant piece of art but who had the guts to do it?

"NARUTO!"

Well I think that might be the answer. Man I really want to see this kid, I've always heard about him but I've never actually met him. He makes the hokage go crazy and that's something considering he is one of the most patient and calm people I've met.

I finally reached the flower shop, "hey Aya." I said with a slight wave to the girl behind the counter,

"Oh Suzume, is it that time of year already?" I gave a nod as I looked around at the flowers. Just in case you were wondering my name is Suzume Hayata.

"Here." She said as she handed me a small bunch of white roses, I was about to pay her when she stopped me. "it's on us, just make sure to pay my respects as well." She smiled

"You say that every year." I said frowning

"Well you only come here once a year. Maybe you can come and buy some flowers for another purpose and give me a big tip." She said winking,

"Thank you" I smiled softly,

'Note to self, find someone nice for her.'

I looked down at the time, "oh no I'm going to be seriously late!"

I sprinted of in the direction of the KIA stone, in my six years I have never been late and I wasn't going to start now. There isn't really a set time for someone to go paying respects to the dead, but I had one.

Why? Because it was at this time when I had met him, the person who brought me out from the dark and helped make me, who I am today. I still remember it so clearly.

**FLASHBACK**

It was a dark and dreary day as I sat there in front of the KIA stone, the rain pouring heavily from the sky. I had been sitting there for hours replaying the mission over and over again in my head, I felt like it was all my fault knowing that I could have done so many things differently. I wasn't even sure anymore if the water pouring down my face were raindrops or my tears.

"Why did you guys leave me? If you had just forgot about me you guys would have still been alive. they can't even place me in another team because I just can't take it. What am I doing alive?

"Why did you have to save me?" I whispered harshly to myself,

"Why? WHY! WHY DID YOU GIVE UP YOUR LIVES FOR SOMEONE LIKE ME!" I shouted as I stared at the ground ashamed to even look at their names.

"Probably because you were important to them." I immediately snapped my head in the direction of the voice. There stood a tall, lean figure in a ninja's uniform. I couldn't tell who he was because the umbrella he was holding was covering his face in shadows.

"But ….but I'm not supposed to…. Ninjas aren't supposed to create attachments…that was the…the rule and they broke it" my voice was breaking as my body shook in both anger and sadness.

"In the ninja world those who break the rules are scum but those who abandon their friends are worse than scum." His voice, it was so overpowering and his words were laced with so much emotion.

"But they….lost their lives for me!"

"It's not about you! A life without someone to protect is no life and we as ninjas would gladly give it up. That's what it means to be a ninja. To willingly give up your life for that someone.

I was speechless I had nothing to say.

"This KIA stone has many names of ninja who are all honoured as heroes in our village. The people you were crying over, they risked their lives for you but what do you have to show for that sacrifice?" he said in an aggravated tone.

I once again turned around and looked at him, 'he was right. What did I have to show for that sacrifice? Tears and a mud soaked uniform? I had nothing!'

I turned to the KIA stone, I placed my hands on the names of my team mates and then and there I promised to no longer cry, to make a living and make my team mates sacrifice worth while.

I was about to face the guy and say thank you but he was no longer there.

**END OF FLASHBACK**

And to this day I am still waiting for that guy so I can say thank you, that's why I come here at this time every year hoping to bump into him. I mean I have no idea what he looks like but I'm hoping I'll just know when I see him.

Though his voice I think I can recognise. It was so deep and calming and when he spoke it was like he had written it before and memorised it, it felt like his words came out of a book. Actually….. now that I think about it his voice held a lot of anger and frustration, I wonder why?

Maybe because he saw me sitting there and wasting my tears for no reason. Oh I just remembered when I find him, along with the thankyou I am also going to say "thanks for rubbing salt on my open wounds." I felt after all the awesome things he said I would have to say something that sounded cool…. Or should I say something like "thank you for adding insult to my injury"…. Hmmm….

I quickly payed my respects and placed the flowers at the foot of the stone, 'I guess another year where he didn't show up.' I thought as I started to walk away.

**A/N: slow start. Well tell me what you think please :)  
>hope your finding it interesting. My normal style of writing isn't very serious so….. yea<strong>

**Have fun**

**JINX XD**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

**RECAP**

**I quickly payed my respects and placed the flowers at the foot of the stone, 'I guess another year where he didn't show up.' I thought as I started to walk away.**

Somehow after paying my respects I wandered around and finally ended up at the bar. I don't normally drink but I guess remembering that day brought out memories and emotions that I had not felt so strongly for quite some time. So now here I was at the bar, wasting money I didn't even have.

"That guy had no rights to say all that stuff!" I slurred to the guy sitting beside me, as I ushered for the bartender to give me another. I guess you could say that when I was drunk I was the opposite of when I was sober.

"He doesn't know what I went through, seeing my own team mates die in front of my eyes!"

"YEA!" the guy beside me exclaimed pounding his fist down,

"I know right he was adding wounds to my …uhhhh…salt and he was…. Injuring my insults. GOSH!" I shouted abruptly standing up, "he could have shown some sympathy! Pftt stupid males." I mumbled sitting back down.

"YEA!..wait…" the guy rubbed his face "…what?"

I quickly got of my seat placing some money on the counter, "keep the change." I said coolly to the bartender

"But this isn't enou.."

"Nice talkin to ya." I said to the guy beside me as I walked out of the bar,

"YEA!" he shouted waving his glass,

'Nice guy' I thought as I walked out into the open air, I took a deep breath as I steadied myself so that I would make it to my apartment in one piece.

'It's an extremely quiet night today.' I thought as I opened the front door to the apartment and started walking up the stairs, 'I should sing!'

"Wake up in the morning feeling like P diddy" I sang as I did some hand moves,

"Grab my glasses, I'm out the door – I'm gonna hit this city  
>before I leave brush my teeth with a bottle of jack<br>cause when I leave for the night I ain't coming back"

I swung my hips from side to side as flicked my hair back and forth

"I'm talking pedicure on our toes toes  
>trying on all those clothes clothes<br>boys blowing up our phones phones  
>drop topping playing our favourite cds<br>pulling up to the parties  
>trying to get a little bit tipsy"<p>

By this time I had almost reached the second floor,

"Don't stop make it pop  
>dj boom the speakers up<br>tonight Ima fight  
>til we see the sunlight<br>tick tock on the clock  
>but the party don't stop no<p>

Oh whoa wa oh  
>oh whoa wa oh<p>

At some point during this time I had fallen over and now I was sitting on the floor not bothering to get up.

I had already sung this song at least six times and I was still sitting cross-legged on the floor.

**Meanwhile**

"Oh my GOSH! SHUT UP!" I couldn't take it anymore, this was the worst singing ever, even I could sing better than this. There is a lady on the stairways singing and she's been doing it for ages and the same song too!

The first few times alright fine but after that it was like nails on a chalkboard! "Why today of all days when I have a test tomorrow! ARGH!" I shouted, as I lay there on my bed tossing and turning with my pillow trying to cover my ears.

'Look on the bright side, at least now you would have an excuse if you failed the test…. But then again no one would believe it.'

I threw the cover off and got up, I decided if I was going to get any sleep today I would have to do something about the crazy lady singing on the staircase

I quickly walked to my door and opened it, "hey lady could you…" it was a ninja…. A jounin. What kind of ninja sits on the floor and starts singing? She must be crazy, she's giving ninjas all around a bad name.

**Suzume's POV**

I heard a door open behind me, "hey lady could you.." I turned around to see a young boy staring at me, giving me weird look.

"Uhhh… you alright?" I stared at the little kid,

'WOW this guy's hair was so….bright, the only person with as bright hair as him was…..' I thought as I crawled over to the boy standing at the door, I slowly extended my hand to see if the hair was real.

"Ummm lady your startin to creep me out" the kid said glancing suspiciously at me,

I sat back down on my butt and pointed an accusing finger at him, "your starting to creep me out" I slurred as I tried to get up but my coordination was nowhere in sight.

"Uhh how bout I help ya" he asked, hesitantly making his way towards me,

"You sure you can hold my weight? I'm pretty heavy you know" I said playfully as I raised an eyebrow,

"Well I'm gonna be hokage someday which means the best of the best and if I can't help a lady like you well then how am I supposed to help an entire village? So that means I have to help you believe it!" he quickly placed one of my arms over his shoulder and lifted me to my feet.

'For a little guy he was pretty..'

"Wow you weren't joking when you said you were heavy."

I mentally sweat dropped, forget I said anything. "It's rude to talk about a women's weight like that" I pointed out as I poked his cheek.

He closed one eye in annoyance, "you said it first!" he said trying to defend himself

"So? Doesn't mean you should." I teased sticking my tongue out,

"What are you five lady?" (if only I knew the irony behind those words)

We got to my door and somehow managed to get the door open. Once I got into the apartment I gracefully fell onto the floor dragging the kid down with me. I turned and faced the boy, "you know, you're a good kid, I'm sure your parents are proud of you" I said patting him on the head

"I..I don't have any parents." The kid whispered softly looking down at the floor,

"Oh.. well if it makes you feel any better I don't either…. and I hope your dream of becoming hokage comes true...but your hair." I said staring intently at the bright golden locks, "it might be a problem, you see it's a bit too bright. People might go blind from looking at it" I said covering my eyes to emphasis my point as I fell to the floor in a deep slumber.

**The kid's POV **

I stared at the lady sleeping, for a second there I thought she was cool but no she's DEFINETLY crazy. Was she being honest about not having any parents?

'Obviously, who would lie about not having any parents?' I was just asking gosh.

I closed the door softly as I headed back to my apartment, 'man I haven't been able to have any sleep and I have the test tomorrow.'

'Would Iruka sensei let me off if I brought her as a witness? ? Nah he would think I paid her or something.' I thought as I jumped onto my bed and quickly fell asleep.

**A/N: I have no idea what you people think of this story so I'm going crazy *rips hair* thanks to nick I haven't died yet. Thankyou nick x)**

**The kid is… well you guyz should know by now :)**

**JINX XD**


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